Crazy Kiwis.

The Aussies started it.  Between 1901 and 1907 these lunatics constructed a 2,021-mile long fence to keep out rabbits.  They even had a Chief Inspector of Rabbits.  Why?  Because some wacky English guy decided it would be fun to pop a few tops in the back yard and shoot rabbits for sport.  He actually brought a few over with him on the boat and ended up introducing rabbits to Australia.

Unfortunately he probably drank more beer than he should have, understandable since he was living in extreme heat in the middle of nowhere, and his aim began to suffer.  Then one thing lead to another and soon there were so many rabbits that they over ran the place taking with them everything in their path.  The rabbits owned Australia.  Lots of rabbits = no more grass = no more livestock = a very hard life on the edge of the world.

So the Aussies, as a nation, came up with some kind of potent cocktail that killed off all but 1% of the rabbits.  Killed millions of rabbits, pretty much all of them except a handful, but then, with the finish line in sight, they could not finish the job.  You have to figure it was impossible to know for sure if they got them all, what with rabbits hopping around and dropping dead pretty much everywhere.  And guess what happened next?  That handful’s family came back twice as strong and this time with an immune system resistant to the cocktails – think very unhappy uber-rabbits.

It was bad news all around. Not knowing what else to do and with plenty of time on their hands, the lunatics in South Western Australia built the 2,021mile long fence. That’s 2,021 miles of fence. Across the most inhospitable place on earth: to keep out rabbits.  Crazy Aussies.   It brings a whole new meaning to NIMBY.

Not to be out done, the Kiwis are whacking rodents with the best of them.  Here in Nelson they have a “Sanctuary” where they set something like 20,000 traps to catch rats, weasels, mice, moles, you name it.  And yes, it is fenced in.  Apparently NZ is dealing with the same rodent issues as the Aussies only their rodents ate all the Kiwi bird eggs and pissed off the locals.  Not good as they really like their Kiwi birds down here. Wikipedia describes the birds as “flightless and the size of chickens,” not sure I get the fascination, but hey, when in Rome.

So that’s how we ended up touring the Brook “Sanctuary” learning all about whacking weasels. Whacking anything is great fun when you are four and a half and this field trip is actually part of early education, teaching kids how bad the rodents are for the “native” environment and how they are threatening the beloved Kiwi bird.  I find it all a bit surreal: tons of volunteers walk around in the woods with machetes and reflector vests, setting and “clearing” traps.

Don’t get me wrong.  I like the Kiwi bird as much as the next bloke, but somewhere in the back of my mind I keep hearing the wise words of Jean Conder Soule, “Never tease a weasel, not even once or twice, a weasel will not like it and teasing isn’t nice!”

Beware NZ beware…